How To Help Someone Who Lost A Loved One
How To Help Someone Who Lost A Loved One – In 2013, my mother passed away at the age of 60. They were less than two months into their cancer diagnosis and treatment plan, and complications led to blood clots and a fatal stroke.
I expected that the treatment period would be difficult, but I did not expect that I would not survive. When he left, we all gathered around him and passed, his eyes completely closed, his voice no longer speaking, but his little gestures and handshakes heard our last words, I love you.
How To Help Someone Who Lost A Loved One
What followed was a week full of laughter, tears and friendship that we called “mommy week” – we planned and celebrated events to remember my mother. I hung out with my siblings, my future wife, my brother-in-law, and my father, collected photos, and talked to friends and family. Although I suffered a lot, the whole experience helped me a lot.
Ways To Comfort Someone Who Lost A Loved One
Based on the strength of this great support, I want to share some of the ways I recommend walking with a loved one after losing them. If you know someone who is grieving, keep these things in mind to help.
If you’re like me, you may have a tendency to try to “fix” people. Sometimes when a friend comes to me with great enthusiasm or great desperation, I’m motivated to be the organizer of analyzing their situation and creating a step-by-step plan that leads to a resolution. In most cases, this is a fool’s errand. What they really need is a friend – someone to listen, comfort and be there. (Regardless of your intentions, this is the only thing you can offer.)
A great place to start is leaving any kind of essay or desire to have the right words to say. The bumper stickers and Hallmark cards that pop into your head may be appealing, but they come off as cold or empty. Losing a loved one brings difficult questions of life and faith closer. Often phrases like “everything happens for a reason” or “God wanted another angel” only complicate and distort difficult decisions. (They also raise unnecessary questions about God’s purpose, but that’s a theology class discussion.)
Instead, just start listening. “How are you?” ask sincerely. or “How are you?” From there, you’ll find a moment in the conversation where you feel something, and it may feel like a loss to you. If it feels good, casually share your thoughts – not to compare experiences, but to take their experience for granted and help reduce stress.
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For example, a college professor told us that even though the scenes of my mother’s last days were fresh and very sad, those difficult memories would allow us to find harmony throughout her life and gradually find our place in the middle. mother His honesty in simply sharing what he sees as needed intellectual resources helps me through my grief today.
However, if nothing comes to mind, going back to what the person is saying and actually repeating and summarizing what they said (it’s very easy) can help you hear and understand them. It comforts someone when they are crying – it makes them feel like they are not alone, that someone understands and shares their pain. You can help them carry this burden.
Go if you can. Don’t worry about what to do or say or how to behave – just be there.
Some people choose to participate in retreats, and the open house format offers flexibility in when you come and how long you stay. Some people prefer to attend a memorial service or ceremony. Anything you can do will be received and appreciated by those who are grieving.
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My mother’s memorial service and reception were full of people I had never seen before. Some even came and went without telling me. From college students to old high school friends, mom’s co-workers, mom’s ex-husband, just seeing their faces humbled my heart and touched the joy of my mom’s love and my family. My mom cares about so many people, and seeing those people come together to honor her life has helped me.
Even if you can’t go to anything, you can. Consider writing a letter or sending a card. If you’re not sure why, you can make a donation to your temple for the soul of the deceased. For us Catholics, there is no better way to pray than the Mass. Often, the church gives you a card that you can send to someone who is grieving.
Additionally, while flowers are often a unique gift after a loss, many families prefer to donate to a charity related to their loved one’s legacy. My mom taught there for decades, so we personally asked for donations to the American Cancer Society and our church school fund. We were amazed and honored by the generosity.
For something lighter, don’t be afraid to be practical. My mother’s death left her husband and three sons as an all-male family. During Mother’s Week, my Uncle Jeff made a surprise visit to say hello and spend a few minutes with us. What did he bring? Alcohol and toilet paper. We really appreciated these gifts – it was a chance to make fresh toast, and a chance to take responsibility for refilling our toilet paper.
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An important part of the grieving process is the opportunity to tell stories about the deceased. It is a natural process for retarded people to make decisions on their own without giving any other importance. Remembering what happened to the deceased and telling them is a comforting story, and it shows that their loved one is important to other people. Stories help preserve memories—an important way to carry on loved ones who have died.
This is very thin soil, so be gentle. Everyone cries differently. Some people aren’t ready to talk or listen a lot, so next time it’s okay to keep talking. As a family, we spent most of Mother’s Week laughing, giggling, and telling stories. Pouring over photos and meeting different friends and family, it triggered all kinds of memories and all kinds of emotions. Contributions from various people brought deep joy to our hearts as these conversations celebrated motherhood, compassion, patience, preaching, sarcasm and much more.
All of this sharing touched our hearts and made us laugh and cry in ways that helped make our mom happy. My father, a kind and gentle man who loved his wife very much, would listen gratefully and quietly say “I know” when people sang his mother’s praises. For my brothers and I, it was a way to collect and record the extent of my mother’s love from her colleagues, friends, and various pockets.
And you can discover interesting secrets. For example, my younger brother was found to be drinking one night in college. Mom and Dad came to rescue him without my brother or me knowing, and he vowed to take the secret to the grave – which he did! (Until dad and sister let the cat out of the bag.)
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Not at all, give your prayers to others. Telling someone you’re praying for them can feel awkward, but it’s not stupid if you follow it carefully. Take a prayer card at the memorial and pray for someone’s soul – put it in your wallet or near the mirror to help you remember to pray for them in the morning and evening at church. Most memorial cards have prayer notes on them, so you don’t have to worry about what to say!
I personally know that I can feel comfort and strength in my heart because I know that people have promised us their prayers, even during Mothering Week and beyond. Seven years ago, my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer before his death. after three and a half years. At that time, I relied so much on the support of my friends and family that it was scary.
Even though I made sure to thank the people who were there for me, I noticed that many people were still worried about doing and saying the right thing. 95 percent of them did. But others do not have them at all. As it is, in fact, it is not.
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